Royal Jordanian: Let’s Do The Time Warp Again

Flashback: A Week and a Half Ago

Waleed, A Week and a Half Ago: Hi, I want to buy four tickets on Royal Jordanian because you have a totally awesome deal, roundtrip tickets for 30KD ($104)!!

Royal Jordanian (RJ): Cool. How many people?

Waleed, A Week and a Half Ago : Four people. For Wednesday.

RJ: Four people? Cool. Totally booking it. Hey, your names are really unusual by the way.

Waleed, A Week and a Half Ago : Whatever you say. We’re booked for next Wednesday?

RJ: Totally!

Cut to: Present Day

Deena: Hey, Waleed, are you sure your flight leaves at 5 p.m. tomorrow? Because someone just told me that they leave tomorrow at 8 p.m. and you guys are all on the same flight. Aren’t you?

Waleed: Uh, obviously. Wait, what?

Deena: I dunno. Here’s RJ’s number: 1-800-We-Suck

Waleed: Hi, I’m booked for a flight with you guys from Kuwait to Amman…

RJ: Awesome!

Waleed: For four people…

RJ: Oh right! I totally remember you, you’re the ones with the funny names!

Waleed: Tomorrow, at 5 p.m.

RJ: Oh. No. Actually, it’s today. Hey, what time is it now?

Waleed: Uh, 3:30 p.m.?

RJ: Yeah, your flight is in like, an hour.

Waleed: But I told you to book me on the flight for Wednesday!

RJ: You sure? Isn’t today Wednesday? The 24^th?

Waleed: Today is Tuesday!!

RJ: Right, right, Tuesday.

Waleed: I should have been booked on the Wednesday flight!

RJ: Right. The 24^th!

Waleed: No! Wednesday is the 25^th!!

RJ: Whoops, sorry about that. Well, you can still make it, can’t you?

Waleed: No! I have to pack! And The flight is in like, an hour! And I have a job?

RJ: Oooh, right, jobs. Whatever, we just play Solitare all day. Let us know if you want to reschedule your flight! LATES!!

dial tone

Waleed: Okay. Okay. Okay. I have to figure this out. Okay. I just… I just won’t pick up my phone for the next two hours!! And it’ll all go away. And be fine.

Two Hours Later

Waleed: Hi, it’s the one with the weird name. Do you have flights for tomorrow?

RJ: We are so totally booked solid. I think it’s because we’re awesome. We are so awesome, with our handy calendars and helpful customer service!

Waleed:What about in business class?

RJ: No, tomorrow we’re bringing in the small plane.
Waleed: The what?

RJ: The small plane! To Amman! Yeah, we’re thinking it’ll have like, two rows or something. I mean, it’s not like it’s the weekend or anything.

Waleed: Today is WEDNESDAY!

RJ: Right! But we figure, wo goes to Amman on the weekend, right? So we’ll bring a small plane.

Waleed: Fine. FINE. Book me for next Wednesday. Unless you’re using a small plane THEN also.

RJ: Oh, no. This Wednesday is really more of an experiment kind of thing. Small planes, yay! Come pick up the tickets soon, ‘kay?

Wednesday Afternoon

Waleed (defeated and dejected): Hi.

RJ: OMG, hi!! Nice to see you again, it’s been a long time!

Waleed: Whatever. Remember how you booked me on the wrong flight?

RJ: Uh, whatever to YOU. Remember how you didn’t check the tickets?

Waleed: Oh.

RJ: Right. Oh.

Waleed: Whatever, can I just have my tickets?

RJ: Sure thing, Strange Name Dude. (pauses before handing them over) Want to check the dates?

Waleed: Heh, heh heh. Um. (leaves)

The moral of the story is that you should always, always check your plane tickets once you buy them. Also, when you make your reservations, it’s probably best to ask the person what calendar year they are looking at, to make sure they aren’t booking you on a flight for Wednesday April 24, 2013.

Jazeera, Part Two: Wings of Ineffectiveness

The day after this whole fiasco, I got a call from Waleed. He said that everyone was planning on going to Jordan and I was like, excellent! I can use my Jazeera credit to go!

Since I had the two tickets, I was just going to use one of those tickets to go to Jordan and the other ticket to go somewhere else. Maybe Dubai, as a way to relax. I went online to make the changes. The difference in cost was 67KD. Which is… kind of a lot of money. Basically, I’d be spending about $400 to go to Amman, Jordan which is a 3 hour flight away and would ordinarily cost… well, not that much.

So I got the idea to use one of the tickets to GO to Jordan, and the other ticket to come BACK from Jordan.

But I couldn’t do this online.

Which meant I had to call Jazeera.

Which I am sure they were absolutely thrilled about.

When I called and explained the situation, they didn’t understand me at first. I had to break it down.

Me: Okay so I have two tickets, okay?
Incompetent Person #3: Okay.
Me: And I want to use ONE of these tickets to go to Amman.
Incompetent Person #3: Okay.
Me: And I want to use the OTHER ticket to come BACK from Amman.
Incompetent Person #3: Okay.
Me: (pause) … So, can we do that?
Incompetent Person #3: Umm… I think so?
Me: (ready to scream)

We finally got on the same page, and figured out that yes, it is indeed possible to do that. So we got the process down. As I waited, he started asking me questions. Where was I from? Oh, I’m Kuwaiti? But I don’t speak Arabic? Why?

Dude, here’s the thing. First of all, those are super nosey questions to ask someone who you are speaking to on the phone as a customer service representative. Second of all, this is my fourth time dealing with you and your stupid staff about the same itinerary, so…just… stop asking me the questions.

We finally get my tickets taken care of, and he told me that I owe Jazeera 30KD for the difference in cost (which is a hell of a lot better than the initial 67KD I was asked to spend). I tell him I’m willing to pay over the phone.

Incompetent Person #3: Oh, no no, you can just go to the airport.
Me: What?Incompetent Person #3: Yes, the airport. You can pay there.
Me: I don’t have TIME to go to the AIRPORT. I can’t just pay over the phone?
Incompetent Person #3: You can.
Me: So the problem is…?
Incompetent Person #3: But it will be easier to go to the airport.
Me: I don’t have time to go to the airport.
Incompetent Person #3: You have a week to pay for the tickets…
Me: I have a JOB! I don’t have TIME to go to the airport! Can I just pay over the phone? Why is this so hard!?

After several back-and-forths such as that, he relentented and let me pay over the phone. Which took a good fifteen minutes, but whatever. I now hold in my hands tickets to Amman, Jordan.

It took two days to get it taken care of. But I have it.


I’m sure I will have more complaints once I actually get on board the plane, so let’s see how that goes. Be prepared, kids.

Jazeera, Part One: Wings of Ineptitude

I don’t understand how some businesses stay in business.

Prior to arriving to Kuwait, I had heard a lot about Jazeera Airways, the new discount-carrier for the Middle East (think Jet Blue, but Arab). Everyone raved about it – it was basically the new coming in airlines. I had been looking forward to trying it out, since I had heard so much about their service and phenomenal prices.

In their defense the prices ARE phenomenal. So phenomenal, in fact, that Other Favourite Twin Erica and I had found 6KD tickets to Shiraz, Iran. For the pair of tickets, including taxes, we were charged 67KD (roughly $230). That’s from Kuwait to an entirely different country. What a change from the U.S. where $230 would maybe get me a ticket from San Diego to Los Angeles.

There was a slight hiccup though. Erica ended up vacationing in Greece for two weeks, which meant that we would have even less time to get visas. And Erica is one of those damn Yanks, which means that the chance of her gaining entry to one of the Axis of Evils was about the same as me winning the World Series. So, there was a problem.

Then Erica got accepted to four Snobby Schools with Green Ivy on their Walls. There were three factors that were now in play: the whole temptation to be one of those snobby students, the cost of the visa, and the fact that she may not even GET the visa. So, the two of us decided to cancel the trip to Iran.

Which was no big deal because hey, I want to go to Jordan. Or Damscus. Or Dubai. I could use the 67KD credit to go to one of those places.

Or, so I thought.

On Sunday, I gave Jazeera a call. You know, just as a friendly, hey, I’m not going to Iran anymore, can I have my credit please?

Incompetent Person #1: You don’t get a refund.
Me: Not even the taxes? Okay, I guess. Well, I’m not going to Iran anymore, so I just want to cancel the ticket.
Incompetent Person #1: You don’t get a refund.
Me: Uh, I know. That’s fine. But I’m not going, so I still need to cancel.
Incompetent Person #1: Okay. But you don’t get your money back.
Me: I am WELL AWARE that I don’t get my money back, but in either case, I am NOT GOING TO IRAN anymore so CANCEL THE TICKET.
Incompetent Person #1: There is NO REFUND.
Me: I. KNOW. I don’t WANT THE MONEY, I just want to CANCEL THE TICKET.
Incompetent Person #1: Okay, fine.

Like, what? WHAT? I understand that you want to make sure I am aware that I don’t get money put back on my credit card, but I understand that. I get it. I’m just not going to Iran anymore!

So then, incredibly enough, we get disconnected. Or they hung up on me, I’m not sure which. I call back. This time, I want to know if I can use the money to go somewhere else because this is MY MONEY, right?

Not so much.


Incompetent Person #2: Sure, we can change the ticket to go somewhere else. Where do you want to go?
Me: Can’t I just change that later?
Incompetent Person #2: Sure. When do you want to go?
Me: Uh… no idea.
Incompetent Person #2: Okay, you can change it for you and Erica later.
Me: Wait. No. I want ALL the money, since I paid for both tickets on my credit cards.
Incompetent Person #2: Well, you can’t.
Me: Why.
Incompetent Person #2: Because the other ticket is in her name.
Me: SO WHAT?
Incompetent Person #2: So you can’t use both tickets.
Me: But… but I paid for the tickets. On my credit card. Which you can see right there on the page.
Incompetent Person #2: But the other ticket is in her name. So you can’t use it. It says so when you buy the ticket.Me: I am looking at the terms and conditions RIGHT NOW and NOWHERE DOES IT SAY THAT.
Incompetent Person #2: It says: “All fares paid are non refundable except as provided in 'General Conditions of Carriage'”

I think this is when I started screaming.

Me: I DO NOT want a refund. I just want ACCESS to MY MONEY. Because I paid for the tickets on my credit card.
Incompetent Person #2: But you don’t get the money.
Me: So what you’re telling me is, even though I purchased both tickets, there is NOTHING I can do to get access to both tickets even though Erica is LEAVING THE COUNTRY and will NEVER use Jazeera ever again?
Incompetent Person #2: Right.
Me: Okay, what if I change the other ticket into my name?
Incompetent Person #2: Oh, sure, we can do that.


It took 20 minutes for them to tell me that. Twenty. Minutes. As I got transferred to yet another person (Incompetent Person #3) to process all this, I got disconnected. Again.

That was it. It was about 12:30, I work close to the airport, so I decided to get in my car and go.

Where I stood in line for another half hour waiting for my turn to speak with the representative.

I finally got to the front, and told the lady my situation. She looked at me in surprise.

Only Competent Jazeera Employee: Oh, we’ll just put both tickets in your name!
Me: But I don’t want to use both tickets in my name to go to the same place.
Only Competent Jazeera Employee: So I’ll just split the ticket into two itineraries. (clicks the mouse) Done!

The thing I don’t understand about customer service (especially in this part of the world) is why everyone was telling me different things. Why does everyone not know the policies? And, on another level, why did it take two phone calls and a visit to the airport before my problem was solved? This wasn’t really a complex situation, and I highly doubt that Jazeera had never come across this problem before. When someone says, “I am no longer going on this vacation,” the response should be “Okay, well we can’t give you a refund, but you can use the amount to go somewhere else.” Or something along those lines. And if someone understands that they don’t get their money back, do not repeatedly tell them that they don’t get a refund. I get it. Please stop telling me the same thing over and over again and start giving me solutions.

Coming soon: Jazeera, Part Two: Wings of Ineffectiveness

Weather: Our Schizophrenic Friend

I realize that the weather is typically the most boring thing to write about, but the bizarre patterns Kuwait has experienced over the last 72 hours must be documented.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

All dust, all day

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

6:45 a.m.: Rise. Stumble out of bed, squinting out the window. Informed by mother that there is a dust storm. Decide to forgo contacts.

7:30 a.m.: Leave house. Drive to Starbucks (yes, we have them here) to get coffee. On the way to work, drizzle starts. Am baffled.

1:30 p.m.: Leave cave (aka: office) to get lunch. Weather is now overcast. Slight drizzle. Still dusty.

7:30 p.m.: Safely at home. Notice flashes of light coming from outside, also known as “lightening”.

7:45 p.m.: Hear loud booms in combination with the lightening, also known as “thunder”.

7:46 p.m.: Heavens decide that they are done with swimming and dump all of their water on Kuwait.

7:55 p.m.: Hail begins.

7:56 p.m.: Decide to leave living room because it sounds like the windows are about to be blown in. Contemplate the excitement factor vs. the injury factor before leaving.

8:15 p.m.: Rain slows down.

8:25 p.m.: Rain stops.


Thursday, April 12, 2007

6:45 a.m.: Rise. Stumble out of bed. Notice it is sunny. Celebrate by wearing contacts for the first time in two days, due to sand storms.

8 a.m.: Also celebrate the weather by wearing sunglasses.

11:30 a.m.: Get IM from officemate, declaring that it is raining. Go to empty office to see this phenomena as said office has a window. Realize the parking lot is now a pool.

11:45 p.m.: Torrential rain stops. Decide to park out in Office with a Window.

11:47 p.m.: Sun comes out.

1:15 p.m.: Clouds return. Curse.

1:21 p.m.: Rain begins.

1:25 p.m.: Hail begins.

1:31 p.m.: Hail stops.

1:45 p.m.: Rain stops.

1:47 p.m.: Sun comes out.



Before the days end, I predict more hail, some rain and possibly a tornado.

Farce

Since moving back to Kuwait, I, like anyone else living in this country, have complained about the driving, about being harassed by the shababs (young boys who drive Porches bought by Daddy and his bank account) and have been sick of the people who drive like they own the roads.

The fundamental problem, the one that ties almost all of my complaints together, boils down to one entity in Kuwait: the police force. Although calling them a police force is generous – perhaps it would be better to call them a police farce.

I don’t want to pretend that the police force in the United States should be held up as the moral standard for police around the world – after all, the tales of corruption and bribery run rampant, and they certainly aren’t ethical. But at least they get the job done.

As I drive to work every day, I almost always hit traffic (funnily enough, I sit in more traffic here than I ever did while living in Southern California, traffic capital of the world, for six years). Inevitably, there will be a line of cars cruising on the shoulder of the road, because they are just too goddamn important to sit in traffic like the rest of us plebeians. Last week, for the first time since I moved to Kuwait, I actually saw police pulling over the cars that were doing this.

Today, there was a police car with three police sitting in it driving directly behind me. As they chatted away (probably about how many young girls they were aiming to pull over that day), a beat up Nissan pickup truck drove down the shoulder. The car, seeing the police car, cut in right behind them. The police did nothing. The pick up then changed its lane, pulled up along side me, and began merging into my lane – and at the same time, merged into my car. I leaned on my horn as the car paid no mind, and continued entering the lane. The police, there to protect and serve, still did nothing. I believe their conversation had, at this point, moved on to last night’s football scores. As we all hit another round of traffic, the Nissan truck merged back into the shoulder and drove off, probably worried about being late for his tea date. The police still did nothing.

This is exactly the kind of behavior that promotes the selfish, me-me-me attitude that Kuwaiti’s have. If the police farce actually did their jobs, instead of pulling over young girls because their license plates are dirty (true story) or their lights are too bright (true story) and started pulling over the people who are out-and-out disobeying the law, this country would improve tenfold. Instead of playing with the traffic lights (not a euphemism, although it could be), they should pull over the idiots who treat Gulf Road like their own Formula 1 racecourse.

Rules are there for a reason. It’s bad enough when ordinary citizens break the rules, but it’s worse when the police willingly and knowingly turn a blind eye. Instead of hiring middle school dropouts, they should hire people who actually have brain cells. Instead of giving the 21 year old, new-to-the-farce police officer keys to the fancy BMW police car, they should make them walk around giving tickets to cars that are illegally parked. Pull over the idiots who drive 200kph. Pull over the cars that are driving at night with no lights on. Stop and arrest the young kids who cruise around the malls and roads, harassing girls who happen to be out by themselves.

I am not trying to say that improving the police force would improve everything about Kuwait. Nor am I saying that the police are the be-all-end-all – plenty of responsibility falls on the Kuwaiti citizens. At the end of the day, however, when people see those in an authoritative position blatantly breaking or ignoring the laws, they will do the same. This is basic stuff, not rocket science. No one is asking the police farce to get out there and cure cancer; we’re talking about making sure that people aren’t killed as they’re driving to work. The death toll in Kuwait from car accidents is four times that of any other country in the world. Why wouldn’t the police want to protect their own people? Do they want to contribute to this?

At the end of the day, changes in society come from within. But as long as people are given free reign to do whatever they chose, Kuwaiti society will never change.